It's all an act...

Big changes are on the horizon once again. And I don't simply mean the fact that it will soon be raining snakes and frogs over the mid-west as Jesus prepares to return to reduce his misguided flock to cinders. I mean I've been back in therapy for about two months now and I feel like the veil is beginning to be lifted from my eyes. I feel I am finally and honestly seeing things more clearly than I ever have before.

Perhaps it all boils down to the line in Nature Boy: the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return. The older I get the simpler I want things. I want simplicity in my music, I want simplicity in my home, simplicity in my work. But that shouldn't suggest that I in anyway equate simplicity with boredom, stagnation, lack of intensity and a general lack of direction.

I'm defining simplicity in terms of guitar playing. I learned through studying classical guitar how the execution of a piece is a dance between moments of tension and relaxation. When a finger is not depressing a string, it is relaxing. The more areas of tension that don't equate with the actual playing of the piece that can be eliminated, the more relaxed the performer and the more focused the performer can be on the necessary moments of tension.

My teacher(s) made me aware of the tension in my face, my shoulders and arms as I played. I became aware that my breathing was often irregular and forced: a big gulps of air followed by a long period of not exhaling.

The basic premise is this: do what is necessary to play the piece, no more. That is simplicity. Which leads me consider that concept in other areas of my life. Do what is necessary at the moment. Don't use up valuable energy and resources doing unnecessary things. What is necessary? For me that would be family, home, work and music, certainly in different orders at different times.

I've had a long haul coming to terms with the difference between wanting and needing. I've spent alot of time and energy pursuing things that I want that I can't get or don't need. Yes, I want to play music, but more importantly, I need to play music. So I play music. I need to play guitar, I need to do my work, I need my wife and I need my son. I need my family.

In Buddhism, wanting is tantamount to suffering. We suffer because we want. Eliminate wanting and suffering is in turn eliminated. So perhaps I don't want things to be simpler, things simply are simpler. I don't want my life to be simpler, my life is simpler. I'm eliminating the things in my life that are not necessary and bringing into focus those things that are.

I remain relaxed until it's time to act. Then, like pushing the string to the fretboard, I'll be ready to play the note I need to play.