Like Now, Baby

I walk in the spirit. I walk in faith.

What led me to be a music therapist? A feeling that it was...right for me. I remember joking that I had played a lot of music and I had done a lot of therapy: music therapy? Perfect.

What led me to work in hospice? A feeling that I was the perfect candidate to at least try it. I had experienced loss, the death of a loved one, periods of grief and sadness. I was and am no stranger to it.

Why do I continue working as a hospice music therapist? Because I feel like I am where I am supposed to be.

It's that feeling that I am where I should be that is key.

I remember feeling that I was trusting something outside of myself, beyond myself, bigger than myself while I was pursuing my undergraduate studies. I remember when I gave up worrying about school work and grades feeling that "I am already a music therapist. I am already there. Nothing will stop me."

Going through my undergraduate studies was an act of faith for me. Every time I walk into a new patient's room it's an act of faith. Whenever I speak in public at an orientation, a grand rounds at a hospital or to an Introduction to Music Therapy class, I don't plan anything, I don't prepare anything. I do it on faith that I will say and do what needs to be said and done.

But what is it I have trusted in or had faith in? Unfortunately, the name God has too many different meanings for too many people (I still feel awkward using it) and Spirit sounds a tad new-agey. What I'm inclined to say, although it comes off as very Sammy-Davis-Jr.-in-love-beads is Now. I trust and believe in the Now. It may very well be the only thing I am quite certain exists.

I have faith that I will be in the Now, move in the Now and act in the Now. The past does not exist accept in memory (and mine I have absolutely no faith in whatsoever!). Neither does the future exist.

There is only Now.

I walk in the Now. I have faith in the Now.